The first time I went to see a psychologist was awful. She began the session with a relaxation exercise (for her benefit, not mine. She didn’t even know why I was there to see her, so she had no idea whether or not I needed to learn relaxation techniques.) Her phone rang shortly afterwards… and she answered it! Then she took out an apple and started chomping away while I began telling her what prompted me to seek help.
I wasn’t impressed with her, so I didn’t go back after our first (and only) session. I’m grateful I had this experience because it showed me what bad therapy looks and feels like. Something didn’t feel right when she started the session with the relaxation exercise. Answering the phone and eating that apple while I was talking sealed the deal, as far as I was concerned. I was done with her as my therapist.
My initial experience was an extreme case of what you want to avoid in a psychologist. Most aren’t like that out there, but the lesson is to make sure to find the right fit for you.
Finding the right psychologist is instrumental in your healing and recovery. Research has shown that the most important ingredient for successful therapy is the relationship with your psychologist. Techniques are secondary, contrary to what many believe. Since you’ll be sharing the intimate details of your life with a psychologist, you want to make sure you choose one who is right for you, and who you feel comfortable sharing personal, intimate details with.
Five tips to help you choose a psychologist:
1) Ask around.
Depending on organizational culture as well as your crew, watch, unit, or platoon, you may want to ask people at work if they’re seeing a psychologist. If that’s not something you feel comfortable doing, ask your family, friends, your family physician, dentist, etc., instead. If you know people in therapy, ask them if they like their therapist. If they do, find out what it is they like about their therapist and – if those characteristics appeal to you – give them a call. Even if you don’t end up seeing that particular therapist, they can provide you with a list of referrals, if you ask.
You can call institutes (e.g., Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Centre of Vancouver) to find psychologists are in your area. You can also visit the websites of professional associations, such as the British Columbia Psychological Association to look up psychologists.
With all that being said, don’t choose a therapist just because they’re conveniently located or has several openings in the near future. You want someone who is good. Good and convenient often don’t go hand in hand. You could have a mediocre psychologist who is five minutes from your home, or you could have an amazing psychologist an hour away. Why would you settle for someone mediocre? Consider it an investment in your mental health and well-being.
2) Search online.
A lot of people begin their search for a therapist online. Some people use therapist locator services such as the British Columbia Psychological Association or Psychology Today, while others enter what they’re looking for in a search engine (e.g., “anxiety counselling Vancouver”). You’ll probably find at least a few therapists’ names this way. Read their bios, visit their websites, and put together a list of the ones you think you might connect with.
3) Gender.
Many people usually have an idea of the gender of the psychologist they’d like to work with. Some people are adamant about their preference for a certain gender while others don’t really care, as long as the psychologist is professional and competent. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to choosing a particular gender. However, it’s a good idea to pay attention if there is a gender you absolutely wouldn’t want to work with. Make a note of that and let your psychologist know. It’s valuable clinical information.
4) Call potential psychologists.
Once you’ve created your list, call each psychologist to get a sense of who they are. Don’t email potential psychologists. You won’t get a sense of who they are over email. It’s always best to call them. If you find the psychologist arrogant, impatient, or evasive, move on.
When you talk to a psychologist, you should ask them the following questions. Not only are you wanting your questions answered, but you also want to get a feel for how comfortable you are talking to them:
- Are they licensed? If they say yes, you should still contact their regulatory body to verify. Don’t be afraid to ask for their license number. A psychologist with something to hide would refuse to provide this information. It also doesn’t hurt to check with their regulatory body to see if they have any infractions against their license.
- Where did they go to school? You want to make sure they graduated from an accredited program and not an online coaching certificate program.
- What is their specialty? Be wary of generalists. Don’t see someone who specializes in EVERYTHING. Would you go to your family physician if you needed knee surgery, or would you go see an orthopedic surgeon?
- What is their training? If they say they’re trained in Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT), find out where (and for how long) they received their training. Was it a one-day seminar, a two-hour online course, or a six-month practicum in graduate school? RUN if they claim they’re an expert in something after a two-hour online course or a one-day seminar.
- Do they have experience working with the issues you’re dealing with? This is not the same as asking someone how long they’ve worked in the field.
- If you’re a first responder, in the military, or a veteran, ask the therapist if they have experience working with public safety personnel or veterans. This is important. You don’t want to work with someone who cannot handle the graphic details of your job. I’ve had clients tell me that their previous therapists cried while listening to the details of their calls or deployments or tell them to stop talking because it was too much for them to handle. It is not your job to protect your therapist from the details that you want to share with them.
- If you choose to set up an appointment with a psychologist, ask about their fees and methods of payment. If their fee is too high, ask if they have a sliding scale and whether they can lower your fee. If they say no, ask them if they can refer you to someone who works like they do, but charges less. With that being said, cheaper is not always better.
- If you’ve called and left a message and the psychologist doesn’t respond within two business days, it’s best to call the next person on your list.
5) Pay attention.
Pay attention to how you feel during and after the phone conversation with the psychologist. It’s normal to feel nervous during the first call to a psychologist (it took me months to call that first psychologist!). And it’s normal not to have an immediate, “Yes! That’s the one!” feeling, too (although this can certainly happen).
When you go for your first session, pay attention to everything. Is the waiting room neat and tidy? Is the psychologist professional? Notice how you feel while you’re talking to the psychologist. Do you feel heard or judged when you speak? Does the psychologist look bored or irritated when you talk? The relationship with your psychologist is essential to the process, so you want to find someone with whom you feel comfortable and safe. Remember that in therapy, you intentionally make yourself vulnerable to another human being, which can be scary.
You may not decide after the first session if the therapist is right for you; sometimes, it can take a few sessions. If you decide the therapist isn’t right for you, let them know. An experienced therapist, who is not led by their ego, will not be offended. They will want the best outcome for you including referring you to another professional if they are not the right person for you. If they take it personally, you know you’ve made the right choice to stop working with them.
Of course, the desire not to go back may stem from anxiety about being in therapy. Talk to your therapist about this, too.
If your psychologist is behaving unethically or unprofessionally (eating and answering the phone during a session come to mind for me), don’t go back. The search for the right psychologist may take some time, but it’s well worth the effort when you find the right one.